


Celebration unaccompanied

by purplefox



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Birthday, Established Relationship, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-28
Updated: 2019-01-28
Packaged: 2019-10-18 04:13:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17573657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplefox/pseuds/purplefox
Summary: It's Yusuke's special day but how can he appreciate it when Akira and Morgana are gone? It's a bittersweet day.





	Celebration unaccompanied

Actually, Yusuke had not wanted to celebrate at all. No Morgana, no Akira. He had wanted to forget that his birthday was coming in the first place. All of them had been doing their various bits but Yusuke had been bitter.

Akira had not told them. He had not told him.

Yusuke lowered his brush as he bowed his head. A few more hours to go and he would be alone. A far cry from the celebration he and Akira had whispered about. Back then there had been hope. They had assumed just before Shido that this was the start for them.

He had spent those days leading up to the disaster holding Akira’s hand and whispering plans for the future. And where had that got them? The world saved, Akira had been taken from them and Morgana was gone.

His shadow was so heavy and he was everywhere Yusuke looked. He was in everything and there was no running. Yusuke wanted to forget. He wanted to not remember how everything was but how could he?

There had been nights spent together. sleeping side by side innocently or in each other’s arms after quiet exploration. Akira had been-

No matter what he did Akira had been more than they had deserved. He had been the better man in everything. Their leader and he had refused to give up on them and humanity. Even after what had happened to him. He was the strongest of them all.

And he had gone off to protect them. He had not said a word either. It was so damn painful. How could any one be happy? How could Yusuke be expected to crack a smile or celebrate any of this? What was so good about growing older in these circumstances?

Akira was-

Who knew his true conditions? After the police had treated him so poorly the last time. How exactly was Yusuke to trust them? He couldn’t. prosecutor or not he had no real trust in her. Akira had been badly beaten last time. The times Yusuke’s hands had trembled on applying salve to his bruises. There were far too many.

Besides how many others were in there? And the prosecutor could not be there all the time. Even if she was on their side she simply could not sit in the centre with Akira the whole time. She could only visit him.

Yusuke wanted- he only had one wish and it was not even for himself. Akira’s safe return. He needed that so badly. He needed Akira’s safe return to him- to all of them so badly. He needed Akira to not just be alive and well he wanted him back.

So he could touch him. Hold him, make sure he was real. Hear his voice in his ears once more. See that bright cocky smile. So he could be alone with him and coax the real Joker out. Watch his eyes, have him be vulnerable once more.

Maybe he had two wishes.

Yusuke’s breaths came in shudders as he stood alone in the studio. Akira’s safe return. He wanted it so badly he could taste it but he had another wish. He wished all of them, all of the phantom thieves could once again gather in Leblanc around Akira once more without a true care in the world. It was honestly his only wish.

X

Even sleeping was difficult. He kept thinking about arms that would hold him tightly. Kisses that would be pressed to his hair. Fingers that would always be warm. Purring that would awaken Yusuke come nights as he lay on the cramped bed.

Or how he would wake to a heavy weight on his stomach to see Morgana had migrated during the night. Or mornings he would wake to find Akira already awake a smile in his eyes as he stroked a still sleeping Morgana with one finger.

Yusuke had not stayed over that often and now he regretted it. He did not have that many memories to cling to. It had not even been a year since he had met Akira. not even a year since he had fallen for him. It seemed like it had just started but Akira was one of the biggest things on his mind.

And he was gone. Yusuke could not see him. He did not even have Morgana as comfort. It was honestly too painful. He had not just lost Akira he had lost a teammate along with that.

Akira was the one he loved along with being a valuable member of the phantom thieves. He had Yusuke’s respect, his loyalty and faith. Morgana was also a valuable member. To lose them both so quickly and so painfully.

How exactly was he supposed to feel good about getting older? There was nothing good in being alone. All Yusuke had were memories. All he had were memories of days past and if he tried hard enough he could recall their voices. Recall the heat of their voices.

Yusuke’s breath hitched before he buried his face in his pillow. The only scent in it was his. No Morgana’s, no fur either. None of Akira’s scent either and Yusuke was so regretful about that. It was not fair. He felt so alone.

Midnight was coming. The twenty-eighth would arrive whether he wanted or not and all he had was his broken lonely heart. All he could pour onto his canvas was pain and tears. That was when he could get his brush to move.

He and Akira had promised each other that they would never be alone again. That had been their promise to each other at the temple. Akira had prayed on it. They had vowed it.

After everything they had happen to them. After they had lost so much because of the adults around them. Those that had taken advantage or in Akira’s case set to ruin them. After it all they had wanted nothing more but to depend on each other. Give each other what they wanted most of all.

“But you’re not here.” Yusuke whispered in the quiet room. “And I can’t even get to you Akira.” he knew Akira would argue otherwise. The other thieves were there even if Morgana and Akira were not. Yusuke knew that but his heart still hurt for the missing Akira.

X

They had agreed on a meeting after school. Yusuke could only send a bland agreement before he got to the station. He did not want to go anywhere. They would hear the same things over and over again. No Akira. Still no Morgana.

Akira still would be locked away from them.

As Yusuke checked his phone one last time he found himself longing for coffee. And to look at the Sayuri. He would not be getting any other work done.

“Hey.” A sleepy voice said behind him. Yusuke tucked away his phone to see Ryuji yawning. “You okay man?”

“I’ll be fine.” Yusuke looked Ryuji over. “I’m surprised to see you on time.”

“Leave me alone man.” Ryuji muttered. “I don’t need teachers busting my balls later on when I try to leave on time. I got things to do after school so I can’t afford to be held back now.”

“I’m sure leader would be amused.” Yusuke said softly. “To see you working so hard.”

“He would.” Ryuji laughed. “He really would… that stubborn guy.” He raked his hand through his hair before he yawned again. “Still not used to this shit but how can I do anything else after everything.” He looked Yusuke over. “I’ll be seeing you later alright? Just that-“ Ryuji yawned once more. “Got some place to go to before I head over to Leblanc.”

“You’re on time?” Ann held her bag close as she walked up. “I guess pigs do fly. Or they are flying somewhere. Never really seen you be on time for school before Ryuji.”

“Shut it.” Ryuji grumbled. “Just shut it please. I’m so tired.” He yawned again. “And I need to stay awake during class too. Damn it, I’m going to have to grab a coffee drink or something later on.”

“Seriously.” Ann sighed before she smiled at Yusuke. “Looks like we all better get going before we’re late Yusuke. See you later.”

“Farewell.” Yusuke nodded as Ann dragged Ryuji off. He felt sadness in watching their two figures. Maybe it was his mind pushing him but all he could see was the spot that Akira should be. The spot he would have been if he were still with them.

It was not fair. Yusuke was looking for him everywhere in every single thing. It was painful. Everywhere he looked he looked for Akira. his hand was lonely. He felt as though there was nothing to celebrate. So what if it was his birthday? After everything they had gone through.

How could he be expected to celebrate it without the one that had made his freedom possible. All he wanted was Akira and Morgana by his side once more. Those two had set him on this journey and seen so many parts to him. They were all missing them but Yusuke felt as though a vital piece of himself was simply lost.

X

He found himself drawing Akira’s Joker mask before he caught himself. he had added the little details and had moved on before he realized what he was sketching. He was so lost in thought. He had been so lost in thought that his pencil had moved with his heart as a direction.

What was he longing for? Yusuke pushed back his seat as he gave into the sigh that was begging to escape. He wanted to see Joker but that was not possible. However his pencil was showing him what he desired.

But instead of the smile that Yusuke loved so badly. It was his mask. The mask of their leader and the truth of Akira’s heart.

His hand slid down the canvas before he sighed again. He would not get much work done. He doubted he would get any good work done. His exhibition piece had already been completed. He had kept working because this was what he loved.

But still, all now he was frustrated. All now he was blocked and his thoughts just conflicted. What could he draw currently with his thoughts all wrapped up like this. When Akira, the adventures they had and the unit they had created was all Yusuke could think about.

Akira had… turned himself in. He had finished the job they had thought completed. Yusuke got that. It did not make it any easier to accept. He got the whys of it but he got nothing not even a proper goodbye.

He had only a last night holding him. A night holding him where he had not even known that the next day would bring silence and pain. There had been nothing to tip him off either. Akira was truly the master of disguise.

Akira had held him as normal kissed him as normal. Akira had smiled at him like he usually did. He had been a little distracted but Yusuke had felt that had to do with what they had recently learned. He had never thought that Akira had been battling thoughts so strong.

That Akira had been thinking about turning himself in for the rest of them. That after everything he had experienced under the hands of the police. Under the government. After all of that to think that Akira had decided to go back.

It was truly a heart breaking thought. Yusuke sighed before he went to move the canvas. Then he stopped himself. refusing to face this part of himself would be utterly shameful. His mind and his heart was already in turmoil.

He had to face this truth as well. Akira was on his mind. Akira as Joker. Akira as Akira. he had to accept it and however it showed on the canvas Yusuke had to accept that too. They were his feelings and things like that should never be ignored. He did not need distortions in his own heart. Even though Akira believed that Yusuke could never fall… that was sweet of him.

X

“Hey.” Boss Sojiro smiled as he entered. “You’re first today. Take a seat.”

“Thank you.” Yusuke said softly as he glanced at the Sayuri. As always it soothed him to see it. “I had a feeling some of the others were going to be late but not all of them.”

“The prosecutor woman will be here soon.” Boss Sojiro glanced at the door. “Futaba will be back soon enough. She went to retrieve some print outs. She was just here but she forgot something.”

“Is that so.” Yusuke stared at the warm cup that Boss Sojiro placed before him. “Thank you.”

“Mmm, no problem.” The man looked him over. “You know, before he left. That kid left a message that I didn’t get until now. ‘Call them all over on the twenty-eighth. Don’t let him be alone’ I really didn’t get that until Futaba and the other one. The model.” Sojiro paused. “Until they told me it was your birthday today. How are you holding up?”

“I-I” Yusuke broke the man’s gaze and instead lifted the cup. The coffee was good but he had grown accustomed to Akira’s. drinking just made his heart twist. “I miss him.”

“Yeah.” Boss Sojiro nodded as he wiped down the counter. “That’s what I thought but you know. we’re still here. We miss him too and we’re going to get him back.”

“I know we will.” The bell jungled and Yusuke watched Futaba, Ann and Ryuji step inside. In his hands Ryuji held a small box. “I won’t pretend that I’m not lonely now. That it isn’t painful.” He admitted softly. “But once the others are with me, I’ll make it through.”

Three smiles grew when they saw him and Yusuke- Everything was not made fine seeing that but he did feel more relaxed. Just a little longer he had to wait. He had no idea if his wishes would be granted but he was going to enjoy the things he did have. The bonds he had made with the thieves as he waited for Akira to come back to them.

**Author's Note:**

> I always knew I was going to write something like this eventually. Yusuke sweet boy pinning and depending on the Thieves gives me soooo much life.


End file.
